Today was just one of those days that seemed to just last forever. I had to get my cable hooked up for the 2nd time...it was a confusing mess, but they finally got it right. The irony of it was that I spent pretty much the entire day watching the first season of the tv show Castle on DVD. My 3 year old was with Daddy from last night until I pick him up for a birthday party tomorrow morning. I was thinking how much I was gonna rest and enjoy the peace and quiet..I did at first. But by 3pm I was pacing the floors and trying to think of something to do. I was tired of TV and frustrated that I am sharing my child. Regardless that we are being very nice about it, the fact is that we are signing divorce papers and it still comes down to sharing a 3 year old. So by 4pm I had stirred myself into a mess of stress and nerves. I came into my bedroom and cleaned and turned on the radio..I pretty much just listen to the local christian station. But during that time, I took some deep breaths, reassured myself that my son was just fine, and I can not change things that are out of my control. I asked God for some peace in my heart. Nobody wants to divorce twice, fail at being a good enough wife twice. It is not what I would have chosen. I am trying to tell this to God and my mom's dog in the room. And a voice out of nowhere whispers in my ear "it is well." I am sure it was the voice of the Holy Spirit. And because my faith is growing once again, I believe Him. It is well. Sometimes we just have to fall on our knees and realize there is nothing we can do and just let God be God. How hard to let go of that control. It is well.
I am feeling better and better each day. I exercise and stretch and feel strength coming back. My hair is growing in thicker and getting longer. There are things to be happy about. It is well. So no matter the circumstances, no matter how your heart hurts, know that Jesus felt the same pain and He has sent the comforter to us for these moments. Three little words...it is well. But oh so comforting for me. I hope that whatever you are doing, if you are discouraged, or feeling the pain of fibromyalgia, or can't find the strength to stretch out and exercise..think to yourself, "It is well" because I promise you..it could be so much worse.
Much love, Becca
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