January 27, 2010

I have been home from the Mayo Clinic for almost 10 days now. My kids are adjusting to having me home, my three year old is doing very well potty training and my 16 year old is glad to be home and in her own world again. I must say I am happy to be in my little apartment as well. It's like a private hide away and my bed is comfy and I feel safe and secure. I have not seen any doctors in Spokane for follow up yet, though I really do need to make that a priority this week. I can't believe it's actually Thursday tomorrow. But the day is empty and I think it will be a relaxing laundry and wipe down the bathrooms day. I try to do at least one major chore a day and then I don't wear myself out to much. If you followed my last blog on my Mayo Clinic trip then you know that I have a condition called Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Not pleasent things to deal with, but really so much better then I expected to hear. So this new blog is going to be about my life and what I am learning about this condition. I do know that stress aggrivates it and in the last year I have been sued, filed bankruptcy, got separated from my husband and lost my house and...in fact exactly one year ago tomorrow my life changed drastically and forever and sent me down a dark, spiraling path. Only a good friend and God himself saved me from following death right into the center.

A year ago tomorrow, my best friend Becky Brosnan, was murdered by her husband in a rage that left her unreconizable. After he killed her, he wrapped her in plastic and threw her out in the lumber yard where he was working at the time. For the 10 days she was missing he pretended to be her on myspace, email and through text messages. But none of us wanted to think the worst, though in our hearts we knew..her family, friends, and our mom's group, loved her dearly. Finally the police got a confession from him and her body was found. She was beaten with a hammer and a pipe and they had to use dental records to identify her body. Now last year it was extremely cold and we had 5 feet of snow out there.So he had to have beaten her pretty badly. Just last week i attended the sentencing for Uriah Brosnan. He got 18 years in jail. This made me feel sad and powerless at the same time. How dare he do something like that and then lie about it for 10 days and finally confess and only serve 18 years..it is nothing I will ever understand and it saddens my heart. They have 2 precious children who will now grow up without a mother or a father. I had to let it go though. All that stress, worry, injustice and feeling of powerlessness is so bad for our physical bodies. I grieve for Becky. I am sad that I didn't get to say good bye to a dear loving friend. But I take comfort in the fact that she will suffer no more abuse, no more cruelty, her kids will not witness anymore brutality and we all must go forward for that is what Becky would want. We are to be light's for Christ. Do I understand what happened? No..but I know that Jesus and His angels were there with Becky that night and I know that she was abused and mistreated for a long time and when they carried her to heaven she was finally set free. I take comfort in the fact that she suffers no more. No more secrets to hide and can rest in His embrace and finally knows what true love is..The love of God.

I can't believe it has been a year. A year of heartache, lonliness, sickness, abandonment, and betrayal. But also a year of hope, salvation, grace, mercy, faith, the love of friends and family and getting to know God in a way I have never before. My house is not planted on sandy land any longer.. It is on a rock of love. I love and miss Becky, but I take comfort in the fact that I will see her again.

When the Mayo Clinic doctors diagnosed me with my conditions of Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue my first thought was that I was crazy. I had been told a long time ago it was condition that only crazy people get and not a true sickness. I was pretty dismayed. But then I started reading and researching and have found some people that have it and are dealing with it and making a difference with their lives. What an inspiration to me. So as I walk this journey..I hope you come too and we can light the path for others. Because really the opposite of light is darkness and that is not a good place to be.. Good night my friends. Hope to write a little something each night. I am not perfect and am not promising, but will make an effort. Thanks for reading..feel free to leave comments, I would love to hear what you have to say.